Spring Break!

Spring Break could not possibly come at a better time!  It just seems like every class has everything going on the weeks leading up to Spring Break, making a week off so much more relaxing.  No matter what a student does, whether it is road tripping, vacationing, staying in the big city of Canyon, or even working, a week without the worries of school is highly rewarding. 

A group of WT students, including myself, really try and use their spring break to help others.  The event I am writing of is Beach Reach.  Beach Reach finds its origin here at WT, founded by the BSM director Buddy Young.  Beach Reach is a servant evangelism project that takes place every spring break.  Groups of Christian students gather from all over Texas, and several surrounding states.  They gather at South Padre Island to help students that are there for Spring Break.  Beach Reachers offer van rides at night, free pancakes at night and in the morning, and help students in whatever way possible. 

The van rides are a huge hit.  With the Island being packed with students, it is hard to drive, and many are incapable of walking far distances.  With free pancakes being offered, who can resist?  College students will never pass up a free meal.  The experience is truly life changing, because the students involved with Beach Reach feel like they have made their spring break count for something greater than themselves.  You are able to meet people from all over the nation and share the love of God.  When opportunities arise, students present a gospel message to show to the spring breakers just how much more God loves them.

So as we all go off to different locations, I hope that you will remember what exciting things students from WT are doing with their spring break.  Keep them in your thoughts and prayers, along with the people on South Padre.  Safety is always a number one concern, and with offering these free van rides it helps to keep students safe.  I’m sure this year will be better than ever, and a spring break to truly remember.  The spring break opportunities are endless!

 

The Standard of Life

This week has been difficult, to be honest.  It is one of those weeks when you are constantly being measured and have been found lacking.  Whether it is the rejection of a graduate school or the admonishment of a friend that really loves you and wants the best for you, life is continually comparing you to a standard.

I mean the whole collegiate experience is chock full of this process.  This is what the hundreds of papers and tests are all about: all measuring you to a standard.  College is like an incubation period for humans where everyone goes after high school to become adjusted to the “real” life and the “real” world.  If you make it through, you move on to real life.  If you don’t, the consequence is that you are sentenced to a smaller bank account and two cars instead of three.

We have a medical clinic on campus so that college students will learn to go to the doctor when they’re sick instead of mommy and daddy to hold their hands and care for them.

We have dorms on campus so students will learn the skills to help them in real life, like when to wake up for class or a job since mom and dad are gone.  

We have student organizations so students will learn how to interact with like-minded individuals and how to never challenge themselves socially, ideologically, or any other way. 

The whole process of college is a measurement of the individual to the standards imposed by society.  College teaches you how to play by the rules so that you can meet the standard.

Now, I am not one of those anti-establishment individuals who deconstruct reality until it is just a big mess.  Standards are not necessarily evil.  They definitely have a place in society.  If we didn’t have standards, society wouldn’t work.  Doctors could be a hack off the street with a high school biology class under his belt.  However, it is important to keep everything in perspective. 

Unfortunately, sometimes I don’t meet the standard imposed, whether it is my standard, my friends’ standard, my boss’s standard, the college’s standard.  Sometimes standards suck.  Sometimes I get sick of trying to meet the standard especially when I fail often.

It is to no avail to pretend that I will always meet the standards of life.  Nevertheless, it does not make the failure any less difficult.  I still get pissed at myself when I fail.  There are times when I just want to quit everything, reverting back to the schoolyard kid who just takes his ball and goes home when he doesn’t get his way.  According to society then, I don’t meet the standard of maturity or adulthood.  It is a vicious cycle isn’t it?

This is why I have such a begrudging relationship with grace.  I know I need it and sometimes I beg for it.  Yet I absolutely don’t like the fact that I need it.  If it wasn’t for grace, I would be dead but I don’t like that this is true.  My pride takes offense.  This is why anytime I fail, I have such an identity crisis.  Because I like to believe that I am sufficient, good enough, cool enough, handsome enough, right enough.  Time and time again, though, life, my friends, teachers, my bosses, and, most of all, God show me otherwise.  These are humbling moments but needed.  Because they’re right.  I need grace a lot.  I will need grace for the rest of my life.  

It is a constant battle then to battle my pride and put myself in my right place in relation to world and the universe, but I’ve got to do it.  This is the battle that I am called to.  To realize my insufficiency in light of a greater sufficiency of grace and mercy.  Thank God for the greater sufficiency, for He is the Great Sufficiency.  And thanks to all my friends who remind me of this time and time again.  I absolutely need it more than oxygen.

Blinded by the Options

Oh, man.

I was so set on knowing exactly what I wanted to do when I graduated, which is in three months, BTW.  Unfortunately, I am less convinced now than I have been in a while.

Teaching.  I was going to apply to Teach for America, the prestigious government program that places you in the most impoverished schools in the nation.  The Alum for this program are offered all sorts of really prestig scholarships to far off universities like Harvard, Yale, you know the rest.  My application was pretty killer.  A high GPA with plenty of campus involvement along with a steady job at the university.  I nailed the first two phases of the application process.  It was time for the final interview.  It was located at Albuquerque, NM so two of my best friends and I loaded up and took off for Land of Enchanted.

The interview was a nerve-racking all day kind of thing. At the end I had to have a personal interview.  I was very honest with the interviewer, letting her know about my uncertainties and insecurities, which are many.  Overall, though, I felt like I had a great interview.  Now it was time to wait.

I waited for a month, feeling pretty sure my fall would be spent in Philadelphia wearing sweater vests and scarves teaching the inner city kids why the Civil War was about sovereignty in the form of slavery.  The day came when the email appeared in my inbox.  And it said what I had already knew: I had made it.

Nope. Instead, it said “Thank you for applying but we cannot offer you the position at this time.”  Oh man, my heart sunk a good ways.  No scarves or sweater vests or Philadelphia or Civil War.

I quickly decided I would just take my time to graduate, stretch one difficult semester into two light ones.  Christmas break came though and with it came a wind of change.  It is time to leave. I have been in the city of Canyon for fourteen years.  It is time to leave this beautiful, small, Republican, Evangelical oasis in the midst of fields of sorghum, wheat, cotton, and bovines.  So I buckled up and signed up for the hardest semester of my life.

I decided I would go to graduate school.  My heart has always desired to attend a Christian seminary and learn all of the deep things of the Bible and theology.  Why not go now?  Especially when I don’t know what else to do.  Thus, I began the ridiculously long application processes for seminary.

Then, after my heart had set on going to seminary, my campus minister asked me some really difficult questions about if I was ready to go to seminary yet.  It seemed to him like seminary was more of a second or third choice rather than a first.  He also presented me with a number of other opportunities I could participate in next semester.  I was crushed and overwhelmed.

My heart was set on seminary, just like it was on Teach for America.  It was tired of having made a decision and then being let down.  In the midst of this tremendous angst and uncertainty, I went to my loving parents to vent.  Thankfully, due to their wisdom and godliness, they offered me some wisdom.  First, they told me to chill out.  Then, they shared with me their story of how God closed multiple doors before he opened the right one.  This made a lot of sense to me and I realized how the certainty of my future had become an idol in my heart, breeding a security apart from God.

So, 

I have no idea where I will be in 7 months.  Hey, I don’t even know where I will be in 4 months.  That’s ok, though.  It’s even beautiful.  I will continue to cast my fishing pole in every direction in the hopes that I will get a bite.  God will provide for me just what I need, as he knows better what I need that I do.  I am still applying to seminary but I am putting my name out for a number of other options as well.  It will be neat to see what God is going to do.  It will take a lot of faith and a lot of trust, but I am confident he will reveal what I need to do all in the right time.  

This has freed me up from anxiety and depression.  I am free to pour myself into the people of this campus now because I’m not worried about tomorrow.  What a beautiful truth.  Jesus said it best: “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” and “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”  Praise God.

Some may call me foolish for this dedicated uncertainty.  I don’t mind though.  Life is an adventure.  Part of the adventure is the uncertainty.  So, God guide me and lead me and I’ll see what happens.

Thankful for Thanksgiving

While reminding myself of all I am thankful for on Thanksgiving, I had to realize I am very thankful for Thanksgiving in itself.  It could possibly be the best American tradition we have ever known.  I love the thought of eating all day, taking naps, watching football, and eating some more.  All while doing this with the ones we love.  I also had to giggle about the get out and play commercials during the football games.  Honestly, who wants to play after stuffing their face all afternoon?  I have to admit I love this holiday. 

A damper to the holiday however is the fact that I have to count my days until finals is before me.  One thing that did not make my thankful list.  As many of my grades are border line I realize that I should probably spend the rest of my holiday hitting the books instead of hitting all the friends up or even hiking Bridger Bowl up to find some snow to ski.  Yes, unlike the Texas Thanksgiving, the Montana Thanksgiving is one filled with snow and finishing the day off with a soak in the hot tub.  It’s a lot different than many in Texas have come to know. 

As you remember back to how great of a Thanksgiving you had, and all you are thankful for, continue to give thanks daily.  Thanksgiving should be year round!  As we remember all we are thankful for, also be thankful for the tradition that truly makes the World upset at us, Thanksgiving.  Maybe this year at Christmas we can give a little more than usual to others in need.  I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, and will give thanks in all that you do.

I am straight up Crip-pled

I am straight up crippled.  It is true.  (I always wondered if I might someday qualify for membership in the Crips as I am crippled, maybe not)  There are many preconceived ideas about us disabled persons so I thought I might bring some enlightenment on the subject through some humorous anecdotes and witty opinions in honor of the recent Ability Awareness Week, a program organized by the Student Disability Services.

First of all, I would like to ask all of you if you are aware of my disability.  Get it?  We’re trying to raise awareness.  I am just joking.  You would have to be legally blind, which is in itself a disability, or completely oblivious to miss the fact that I am disabled.  It is overwhelmingly the first noticeable fact about my personhood, besides maybe my dashing appearance and charming demeanor.

Now, I would like to state that I have been disabled all of my life, which in my opinion makes me a professional.  Due to complications of a Caesarean session, I endured severe brain injuries due to a lack of oxygen to the brain.  Apparently, the brain needs oxygen to operate smoothly.  The doctors diagnosed me with cerebral palsy when I was two years old (they were awfully worried about misdiagnosis and the lawsuits that might ensue, the pansies).  My specific type of CP (cerebral palsy abbreviated) is called Walketh-and-moveth-as-if-intoxicatedeth, a very scientific term probably unfamiliar to most of you unscientific types.  If this term is too much, just call it Pimp Walk Syndrome. 

Much of my childhood was pretty average except that my development was a tad bit slower than your regular Joe the Plumber.  I wasn’t potty trained until age four which is around the time I began to walk confidently without a walker.  Don’t worry.  I am potty trained now at least any time I am not in a pool (I have a tendency to revert when immersed in water).  In elementary school, I had difficulty buttoning my pants which meant that most days I would just hold it until 3:30 (quite painful at times).  Then I discovered my friends could help me button my pants which gave me a unique excuse to invite a friend to the bathroom (sorry if that sounds weird) which meant we could skip some class while goofing off.  Also, I fell so often that I am expert at falling.  I know how to fall in such a way that inflicts the least amount of pain.

Junior high was rough on me (who is it not rough on? So much insecurity and hormones).  I was a sports fanatic who wanted to play so badly.  Unfortunately I could not.  I became very embittered and angry at God that I would be disabled.  Why me?  My younger brother hated sports and just loved to read, why not him?  (I know this sounds horrid, but it was true and horrid)  I also began to think that my disability might affect my relationships with girls.  What girl would want to date a guy who has trouble chewing with his mouth closed and who randomly spazzes out squeezing his fingers through the Styrofoam cup as Dr. Pepper spills all over himself?

By the grace of God, I reached a certain degree of resolution in high school.  I could be an angry bitter person for the rest of my life or I could accept the fact that I was disabled and that was it.  I also began to see it as a blessing in some ways.  You see, really all of us are disabled in some way, whether relationally, psychologically, mentally, or emotionally.  Mine is an obvious disability.  There is no hope for me to hide my insecurities or weakness because I just can’t.  Everyone who sees me knows my weakness.  This has given me a degree of emotional honesty and openness that is rare for a college-aged male.  Therefore, I am very aware of my dependence on others and foundationally on Christ.  God is very much the strength in my weakness.

Besides my upbringing under the teaching of my parents, my disability serves as the foremost foundation of my faith.  I absolutely am desperate for healing, purpose, and redemption.  My heart holds to a hope for a day when Christ will make everything right and there will be no more disabilities, no more illness, selfishness, wars, or any other maladies plaguing our world.  And I will have one sweet resurrected body. When I get that new body, I promise I will beat you if we happen to race.  There are still times that the great deceiver comes to tell me that I am broken, messed up, and no one could love such damaged goods.  It is at this time that I have to remind myself of the truth.  I am broken and messed up yet I am the image of the Invisible and there is One who loves me always.  It is in this relationship with the Eternal God of Jacob through the sacrifice of Christ that defines my identity and not my disability.

In conclusion, I would just like to encourage everyone to acknowledge that really everyone is disabled in a way and the more honest we are about our weakness the better.  You need my help just as much as I need yours.  This is the meaning and purpose of community.

Do not pity me just because you see that I have a disability.  It is okay to ask if I need help because, boy, do I need lots of help.  Especially when transporting liquids without lids.  Do not pity me though.  I have a Savior and Healer.  I do not need any pity.  I have been and will be healed.  Don’t you worry about me.  Also, know that life is not fair.  Please do not be sucked into the dangerous narcissism believing that the world has somehow wronged you.  Get over yourself.  This is essential to happiness in life.  Also, we are not all equal except that we are all disabled in and by our humanity and all have a desperate need for an unconditional love and a hope of redemption.

Thank you to all my friends that help and put up with me and forget at times that I am physically disabled. You are greatly appreciated.

Thank you to all of my professors here at WT for always making such an effort to accommodate me and my disability.

Thank you to Student Disability Services for all of their services and patience with me even when I show up with paperwork for tests on the day of the test.

Thank you to Residential Living who did not discriminate against me when they hired me but has given me every opportunity for personal development and achievement.  And thank you for the grace offered when I fail and patience when I am perpetually disorganized.

Thank you to my parents for raising me with high expectations and without excuses and for pointing me to Great Healer and Lover of my Soul.

Time does Fly!

Where has this semester gone?  I can’t believe that today is already Halloween.  I still feel all unorganized, and like it has only been a few weeks into the semester.  Before too long, or probably now, it will be time for me to start studying for finals.  I can’t believe after today’s holiday is over, thanksgiving is right around the corner, and right after that is Christmas break.  I just feel like this semester has gone by way too fast!

 

            This has been a crazy semester for me, some new friends, a new major, a new dorm, and finally an attempt on trying to grow this brand new facial hair that is struggling to come in.  I think this new major change to Political Science, is my fourth, putting me above the three change average for college students.  I guess I do always have to go big.  Along with the end of the semester, is the end of my money supply.

 

            I can’t believe how quickly I have blown through my money and it honestly all goes to food.  By looking at me you would think I was lying but its true, it has all been on food.   I know along with many others I’m frantically searching for a short term job over break but one that can pay the big bucks.  This search is still unsuccessful.  As this semester is quickly drawing to a close I need to really encourage others to make the most of the time left here before it gets hectic.  All our athletes have been doing excellent this year, so all of our athletic programs are looking for post season play.  Let’s support them while we can, so they can bring back some titles for our school! 

 

            Too bad we can’t slow time down, but since we can’t, make the most out of everyday.  Have a safe Halloween, and a great weekend.  Make sure to hit the books when possible but have fun doing it.  Before too long it will be too late, and you will be going home for the holidays.  Keep it real WT!  Also keep voting for me for real world!

“Real”ity T.V.

   Growing up, my family always loved to have family time sitting around watching reality t.v.  I thought we had a “normal” family, but it seems that other families and people do not find reality t.v. as interesting as my family did.  We were big fans of Survivor, Big brother, Amazing Race and almost anything else that promoted real live people, in real life scenarios (hmmm stranded on an island happens to everyone).  As my family continued on in this tradition, it spread throughout our other relatives, so we could all talk about who got voted off or what drama was had occurred on the last episode.  This was the topic of conversation for every family gathering.

     Since coming to college, I found that t.v. isn’t really that important in my life and aside from watching the Office, or sports, I rarely have time to watch much of anything.  Reality t.v. has sadly slowly slipped out of my life.  That is until I found many people watch MTV’s Real World, I do admit I have seen a few episodes but I do not watch it regularly.  My reality now consists of Big Brother during the summer, and sometimes the Hills if you count that.  While at home this summer in Bozeman, there was a commercial for a casting call for Survivor.  This sparked my eternal reality t.v. flame once again.  Determined that my life needs to be seen I quickly started filling out the application.  My flame was put out once my mom spoke the encouraging words of “If you made it on Survivor you would die, you are too skinny to survive.”  So that dream ended but it has once again been started.

     I found out that the Real World is having an on line casting call, and Big Brother is also taking applications for its next season.  I decided to see what happens for both shows.  I am required to make a video for both, and Big Brother I just submit an application.  The Real World however, did not have any locations close for interviews so I am attempting their on line process.  They will choose one member of the house from the Internet, based on going through different rounds, interviews with the show, and people voting for you on line.  Why would I want to be on reality t.v.?  Well I feel it is very misrepresented for what America seems to feel is real.  In both shows, members sleep around, get drunk, and cause drama.  Aside from the drama, that is the opposite of my life.  I want to go on t.v. to show that I am very real but yet am a Christ follower, don’t get drunk, and don’t sleep around.  I want to show that Christian men do exist in this world, and are a part of reality.  Plus in many cases I wonder how many of things that happen to me, are not on t.v.  My life is just far too interesting.  So after reading this blog feel free to vote for me on my real world site, pray that I will learn a life outside of reality t.v., but more importantly vote for me.  I feel I am very real!

Click my picture or one of my links to go to my page and vote for me!  It is highly recommended!

Getting spoiled sounds good for commuters

Yesterday, as I was walking in the JBK I heard a song that I hadn’t heard since the last time I’d seen ‘A Walk to Remember’ back in like 2003. And then I realized it was Commuter Appreciation Week and the music was coming from a random mix of songs hosted by the an iPod, whose owner shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons. Depite the odd high school flashback I was able to enjoy a free hotdog and a soda. Oh yeah, I also got a free ice scraper which will come in handy in the next few months.

This morning my co-worker was greeted with a nice cup of hot coffee and a donut. I’m not sure how happy Java City was that Commuters were being given free coffee but I know that had I not been in class, I would have definitely wanted some coffee to erase my memory of how cold it was outside.

Speaking of erasing memories, tomorrow you will find me under the spell of a nice massage dreaming that I am in sunny Cozumel or Hawaii because there will be free massages for Commuter Appreciation Week. I’ll let you know how that goes later.

Recovering from Homecoming Fever

Oh my Lord,

Thank goodness Homecoming is over.  I am genuinely worn out.  It was a good week but a long one nonetheless.  I am glad that things are back to usual.

This week was difficult as the semester hits midterm times.  As a four year senior, my motivation is definitely hurting.  This procrastination issue is getting to where it is out of control.  However, it is highlighting some of the major skills I have learned and mastered while I have been at school.  I have found out I can write a decent A- to B+ four page paper in about an hour and a half with references.  This is not a good quality and I do not advise it.  This week I am going to make an extra effort to plan out my assignments so that I am not pressured.  While I was hurriedly writing my paper, my friend who just had a car wreck needed a ride and I wasn’t able to give him one due to my irresponsibility.

Like the nerd I am, I was so excited for the debut of the class schedule on Wednesday.  I am already spending a lot of time going through all the classes thinking about how I will spend my last semester here at WT.  I am definitely excited about the senior seminar with Dr. Schaffer and Early Modern Europe with Dr. Brasington.  I do need to figure out how I am going to fulfill that Bachelor of Science science credit.

I also have been quite consumed by thoughts of what graduation might bring.  I have an interview for Teach For America at the end of October in Albuquerque.  I am kind of nervous about it but I think I have a good chance.  The Teach for America program will place me in an inner-city school district somewhere in the U.S.  I hope to be placed in San Francisco or somewhere in the New England area.  I am both excited and scared of what’s to come.  I am excited about finally leaving this place and about experiencing a different area and culture.  I absolutely have a passion for Canyon.  I love the pace and culture and overall attitude of the city.

However, it is wierd to think that I’ll be moving away from this place.  I have been here for some time - 15 years.  My family and friends are here.  I have alot of support here.  Nonetheless, it is time for me to go.  I know that I am supposed to go somewhere else, meet new people, have new experiences.  It is time.  Fear of the unknown is never a good reason to not step out and experience all that life and this world offers.

Well, I think it is time for me to stop rambling and go have some constructive downtime whipping up on my friends in Wii Golf.  Ta ta for now.

Welcome to the Good Life…It’s the life I live

     After Homecoming this last weekend, I was given the opportunityto leave small town Canyon, and escape to the mile high city of Denver, Colorado.  It was a great time to just get away and relax with college off my mind.  I also got the chance Tuesday night to see the band Anberlin perform at the Ogden theater.  For those of you who don’t know me that well, I’m addicted to Denver, and even more so Music.  This is not my first time in Denver for a concert, and certainly not my last even though the parents are not supportive of these road trips, concert trips, and the long distance girlfriend that sparks these interests even more.  I must give her the shout out though for getting us the tickets for this last show, thanks Alex. 

     After a great show from a band called There for Tomorrow, Straylight Run, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, and of course Anberlin rocked some faces off.  I highly recommend There for Tomorrow(http://www.myspace.com/therefortomorrow) and Anberlin (http://www.anberlin.com/). I loved every second of the concert., but it did not last long enough.  Before I knew it I was back on my way back to the Texas panhandle.  I thought that the second I would get back I wouldn’t want to get back in the groove.  Although I missed the mile high city, and being able to hang with Alex non-stop, my life here is pretty eventful.

     Last night the Baptist Student Ministry had the bands The Bank, and Abandon Kansas play.  It was an amazing show and a ton of fun.  It was not a big time show like Denver holds, but Canyon does have some things to do.  It was a lot of fun, and getting back into the groove I get to be a part of a great program before Midnight Madness.  Monday night Buff Hall and the Residence Hall Association will be hosting a Wii Boxing Tournament where the winner will win a Nintendo Wii, and a chance to Wii Box President O’Brien at Midnight Madness.  It will be at 7 p.m. Monday, October 13 and is open for all who live on campus.  I really miss the things Denver has to hold but there is a reason I am here in Canyon, TX.  It is a great place to live and happens to be within drive of major concerts and events, if you ever get bored.  After seeing all these bands play lately,  I feel that I need to practice guitar and join a band.  It is the only logical thing to do.